When I was growing up with my sisters, it wasn’t a common practice in our household to speak about sex. Not just sex, but kissing, foreplay, making babies, making out, oral sex, or even birth control. It was just something that we knew not to talk about. My parents even banned us from watching MTV- when it was just music videos – because it was too provocative.
Yeah, we had sex education classes in high school, but all that did was make me more curious and confused. So, why didn’t people talk about sex – why was it so shunned?
Talking about sex and what you like and don’t like is something that makes sex better. Why flander around trying to “get it right”? Sometimes when a person’s sexual experience is bad, it could be that each did not express likes and dislikes. Think about relationships that could have been saved if sex was just a little better or if you knew the other person liked this or that? So, talk about sex. Start talking about sex with your children and teach them when it is and is not appropriate to talk about it so they are comfortable to share their thoughts and feelings.
What do you like? Would you prefer oral sex? Do you need foreplay? Do you like role playing? Let’s talk about it.
What do others do? You would know if you just asked.
Girlfriends love to talk about relationship. We love to talk about the things that are going right and wrong in our love life. But, do we talk about sex? Sometimes? My girlfriend is the one that talked me though how to give a blow job. She is also the one that shared things her and her husband did in bed- which helped open me up to being more adventurous with sexual positions. There are things I like and there are things I don’t. But, I have no problem sharing the things I don’t like, but I do have a problem sharing what I do like. Why?
Building trust with a partner is important. Having sex is more than just two people “getting it on”, it’s intertwining souls and sharing something intimate together. So feeling comfortable together is the key to sharing. When having the “talk” do the following:
Always be honest about what you expect from sex. Don’t say that you like something if you really don’t. Don’t be ashamed if you want something that you think is silly or weird. Remember, your partner just wants to make you happy and vice versa.
GIVE AND TAKE
Don’t be a selfish partner. Remember, it’s not all about you. Give and take – take turns. Do for him as he does for you. It goes a long way.
BE WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS
Media is full of sex. It’s everywhere- television, movies, streaming, music videos – everywhere. Sometimes ideas spring up and ideas of new sexual positions or games might arise. Trying new things are always exciting and you should be open to experiment.
Take time to explore and get to know your partner. Explore their body. The body can tell you a lot about them and their past. Learn about each scare, tattoo, piercing, moles and more. It’s fun to learn about a person that you plan to get to know better and in intimate ways. It might even turn you on!
Just because you had the “talk” doesn’t mean its one and done. Keep the conversation open to keep sharing. Each day we are faced with new challenges, new information and we change as a person. So, from time to time, wants, desires, needs and likes change. By staying in touch, it helps keep the spark alive and sparks in-between the sheets.
What do you like?